Friday, February 12, 2010

TIGER WOODS, SEX REHAB AND FLY FISHING

( Tiger with his magic 9 iron)

( Perfection in Fly Fishing- Orvis Battenkill cane rod-Abel Super Brown Trout reel-orange scud and the LeTort Spring Run, Pennsylvania.Home to the most elite and cunning wild brown trout in the world!)

In a new series I call "Never really thought of it that way!" blogs, the above three-Tiger, sex rehab and fly fishing, have a ton in common. Poor Tiger!!!!.......he had a rough couple of months. Yeah he brought it on himself -but -we all F-up now and then and now is the time for the healing and love to begin.


Most of you didn't know Tiger was an avid fly fisherman over the past few years.He was introduced to the sport by PGA pro Mark O'Meara . Tiger golfed in Ireland, where golf courses and trout streams wind together thru the country side. At The 5 star luxury resort"The K CLUB-Kildare Ireland- 5 pound brown trout sip mayflies in spring creeks right next to the putting greens- it is a sweet place only the emerald island can muster. Tiger owned 17 fly rods(that is three more than the mistresses that came forward in the sex scandal!)


So where are the similarities between sex "addiction" and "compulsive" fly fishing?.........they are so downright closely related it is truly scary!NOTE: both sex and fly fishing are beautiful in their own right and God's gifts bestowed on us. BUT, the scary words are addiction and compulsive behaviors


Both sex addicts and compulsive fly fishers will " DO ANYTHING" for the chance at the "next hook-up", the next adventure or liaison. One deals with hooking up with the opposite or same sex, the other with a fish. Both have multiple hook-ups and partners(fly fishers usually have a cadre of other fly dudes they hang with).


Both habits are expensive. For the sex addict it can be like in Tiger's case luxury hotels, expensive wines and dinners, escorts, hookers, porn stars and flying around the world for "an encounter", while day dreaming and searching the Internet for real porn.


Same with the fly fisher- expensive rods and reels, gadgets, gear, clothing, guide fees( otherwise known as river escorts, pimps etc.), boats, destination trips that cost a small fortune and the endless searching of the Internet for "fish porn"


A sex addict will loose touch with reality, normalcy, family ties, friends just to satisfy his or her sexual appetite.


The fly person will do the same. Sneak "quickie afternoon fishing jaunts" while on a business trip.Lie to their spouse on how much money they are spending on new equipment, stay out till dusk for that insatiable "one last cast and hook-up' and constantly concealing their addiction as it gets worse like an alcoholic, drug, or sex addict.


Eventually , both develop "kinky" and bizarre " tastes for the passion. The sex addict will seek out their pleasure by doing it in bizarre places for the thrill. There is the "MILE HIGH CLUB" -DOING IT IN AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM AT 12,000 feet".


Same with the fly fisher. They have to catch a salmon on a dry, fish Kamchatka, catch a Peacock bass in South America and catch a giant Taimen in Mongolia-all kinda fetish expressions eh!.


In Fly fishing there is the "20/20 CLUB"- a 20 pound salmon or trout on a size twenty fly- maybe on a one weight!


The divorce rate for sex addicts and compulsive, maniacal fly fishers is also about the same- both loose sight of family and marital obligations due to their intense passions-always looking for the insatiable"next hook up". In fly fishing, a dry fly guy could never get "enough hook-ups-same with the sex addict"


When a fly or sex addict looses his or her family and job, this is initially viewed as a good thing! It gives them more time to pursue their passion around the clock. BUT-eventually funds dry up and like a junkie they have to pursue ways of income generation -no matter how desperate- to fuel their passion.Many have seen the old fish bum hitch hiker sign," WILL FISH FOR FOOD"!


There was a guy in the Pacific northwest named "STEELHEAD BOB YORK". He fished for steelhead 300 plus days on the best British Columbia rivers. His beat up RV was parked next to all the top pools. He drank black bitter coffee and cheap whisky out of a tin cup. This man opened more cans of Dinty Moore beef stew, pork and beans and Spam by a fireplace then any one. He said he probably caught"thousands and thousands of steelhead- more than any man!" He was for all practical purposes the 'Wilt Chamberlin" of fly fishing("Wilt the Stilt as he was called was said to have sex with as many as ten thousand women!).


SO, now that it is Valentine's Day and Tiger is back home from sex rehab with his lovely gorgeous Swedish model wife Elin, do you think Tiger is having fun-I wouldn't think so! It's gonna be as Bob Dylan put it"It's a hard , it's a hard, it's hard rain gonna fall".......meaning long way back to normalcy.


I'm sure Elin has the parental block on Tiger's cell phone so he can't"sextext'.And what about those parental blocks on the Direct TV satellite porn channels and his lap top.


My, my....... poor Tiger. I hope.....sincerely hope, that Tiger is curled up to the fireplace reading Fly Fisherman or Fly Rod & Reel Magazines- or into a good fly fishing book. This would be the perfect medium for recovery. Dreaming of "hooking up with fish- rather than illicit women wouldn't be a bad thing!"- I know Elin would love it!


Besides, Sweden has some of the best sea- run brown trout fly fishing in the world with fish in the 30-40 lb class- Elin would like that also!


Finally, Mr. Woods, if you read this, I cordially extend and invitation to come and fish with us! Maybe you could bring Elin-maybe in the summer for summer Skamania steelhead? OMG, I would do anything to get a photo opp of Elin in a swimsuit with a 15 pound steelhead!!!!!!!


(wake-up Matt, you are dreaming dude!!!!.....you pervert........lol)